Well I thought I would write a blog as a way to express a personal rant and update/explanation of my current status in gaming, what’s happened for me in the past and where I things are now.

It saddens me to say that a few of the newcomers to infused may not actually know who I am and what my part is within infused or its history due to my recent involvement in the team.

I have been involved with infused pretty much since day 1 in 2005 where I played Call of Duty 2 with the line-up of myself, S1rus, Stat, D1ablo, Restyle and Jase. We were focused on getting to LAN's and making a few upsets as a relatively unknown team. We did this quite well in my opinion and this set the ball rolling for the growth of the organisation.

At the end of i27 decided it was time to step back from playing and focus on the management of infused as it grew into a multi gaming organisation and things got busier for me at university. Things continued to grow steadily for a while with us trying different teams, but we still focused within the Call of Duty scene as that’s what we knew best.

At the end of i30 it seemed that the time was right to take a few risks and invest in the organisation and find a team within CSS that had a lot of potential and were willing to work hard. With the help and advice of Jack 'Tacca' Harris we picked up a team known as iCandy with the line-up of Raii, Farley, Zesty, Drazah and D2K after they achieved 5-6th at iseries and turned a lot of heads. This was a big step for us and it brought a lot more attention to the organisation due to the sheer size of the source community.

The new attention and work load made me bring in another manager; somebody I had met at i30 who was trying to manage a different team at the time and with whom I quickly realised shared the same ambitions, Nick 'Zai0s' Carpenter.

And for the next year or so I would have my best time within gaming since being a part of the community in the year 2000! Myself and Nick invested a lot of time and money into the team and took players and teams to Europe. We even dived into the then unfamiliar console scene and were one of the first UK organisations to do so.

I actually want to take a timeout here to make a point that will be referred to later; it was at this point that myself, nick and the CSS guys (now with the line-up of Raii, Farley, Zesty, w1p and Shad) went to TeX in Denmark then almost straight to iseries and had a great time doing so. But whilst myself and Nick invested what we could and sponsors helped out with, Raii, Farley and co were just so grateful for the opportunity that they paid for their own flights, and hosted Shad in the time bridge between Europe and iSeries. This was arguably the most successful time for us in CSS and it was driven purely by motivation and drive to cause upsets and perform to their potential. For this I am glad that Raii and Farley returned and Raii is a part of the organisation today.

That iseries was a good year ender; we had around 40 people representing us at the event with varied success across the board, with the major achievement being the Gears of War console team winning the UK WCG qualifier and a trip to the US for the final.

After i31 it became clear we had now had a challenge to try and repeat the growth we had seen 2007-2008.  With me finishing university and needing to find a job and Nick getting busier we decided it may be time again to bring in some more people to help with the hands on running of the organisation and we welcome three new people in Vanquish, Timmy and Flip as they had similar goals dreams and aspiration. They pushed the organisation into becoming a more professional outfit; we released a new site and sorted out the company 'business' side of things.

Now I realise that I have been writing a lot and it’s not even off the 'history' topic yet, so I will just make a brief note. In 2008 we picked up a new promising team in CoD4 in Vanner, Revoltz, Will, Brkn and v1oqor. These guys seemed like a bit of fresh air as they were a team with a lot of potential who reflected the type of teams I liked. Willing to work hard and had such a great approach to gaming. I respect these guys a lot.

So what now? This is where my blog (read wall of text) will probably turn a bit sour and be more of a rant.

At the end of 2008 I reached a cross road regarding my time at infused. I was just starting a new job and things over the course of the year had made me lose my faith in gaming and I realised that gamers weren’t the same anymore, there had been a new breed of gamers with whom I just don’t agree with. I made the decision at i34 to step back from being General Manager so I could focus on my new job and take a bit of a break from it all. I actually feel at the moment that this was the right time to get out of it all.

I mention a new breed of gamers and the following statement from my friend and ex infused cod player Vanner from an interview on cadred, highlights my thoughts:

"A disgrace to be honest! The CoD4 community is full of too many ungrateful players who simply expect heaven and earth moved for them. If they don’t get exactly what they want then jump ship. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of people I know who really appreciate the support but they seem to be few and far between......

I honestly believe the problem lays in the new wave CoD4 players who have no knowledge in what it was like back in the days before LAN support became easily accessible. Back in CoD2 LAN support was gold dust and few got it. Now the general consensus around the community is that if you are in the top 20 of Europe then you should be fully supported."

Although this quote from Adam specifically mentions CoD4, it’s also largely visible in CSS and other games / scenes. You see back in the day management was so much better because you could grant the opportunity to the people who wanted it the most and was willing to work for it, and it was more rewarding to help them grow and compete. These days however most teams think you need them more than they need you and it’s all very much one sided.

Teams seem to be largely fuelled by egos and e-status instead of a desire to compete to the best of their potential. I don’t think there is a particular cause for this; it’s just built up over the past two years. Some people say that the growth in community sites that act as flame-grounds are partly to blame, but back in the COD1 days, there was All Guns Blazing which for those that remember it was as flamey as you could get. Then some people blame things like CGS and MYM offering wages to teams in CoD4 and CSS etc.

I don’t blame anything in particular; in fact surely it’s the players themselves that are responsible for their own outlook on gaming and greed? Loyalty has always been a bit of a touchy subject in gaming but these days, sorry to say, it’s practically unheard of!

This combined with the current climate and the daunting task of having to raise money to support teams means that it’s hard to raise money in the first place, never mind have the foresight to invest it wisely.

Due to this I have the upmost respect for the managers of other organisations.

ODEE does a great job at dignitas and is a true professional. In the early days of infused ODEE helped us out a great deal and I hope he realises how much I appreciate it.

Dallow from Reason is somewhat of a friend to me, he has a unique decency in gaming managers. I have had phone calls off him in the past to apologise that Reason or other people behind Reason were 'poaching' our players. This wasn’t his fault, more ours probably but he had the decency to talk to me and discuss / apologise for the situation. That and the fact that he is a good fun guy means he is somebody I will try and stop to talk to at any LAN.

Chef from TLR is largely misunderstood. TLR has been an organisation that has taken a lot of stick and flame in the community over the years. I don’t think there has been a more unlucky manager than Chef with teams leaving or falling apart etc. However the guy sticks at it and even now he is trying to bring it back!

So now back to me, what do I think of my situation? I am guessing that a lot of you are reading (or skimming) through this expecting it to be a farewell post of some sorts... the fact is though I am infused through and through, it has been the home of my gaming life now for 4 years and I have been a part of its growth throughout that time.

At the moment I am still in the background and I am working on a new site to cater for the teams new needs, needs that we have mostly from the hard work of vanquish. Vanquish can be the most annoying person ever and sometimes I get home dreading to turn on my xfire, but the truth is that he is doing the most work here these days. Flip is what can only be described as inactive due to changes in his personal life and as for Zaios; well in all honesty I am not sure. Without sounding too emo, I have lost touch with my once good friend as I tried to distant myself from the role but my gut feeling is that he too has got annoyed with the current situations and feels a bit lost without me of course! ;).

I do miss being at the forefront and sitting in vent with Nick and the rest having a laugh, taking each day as it comes, but I have other things to focus on now. I am also enjoying actually playing games! Something that I had oddly stopped doing when managing a gaming team! Me and my good friend s1rus decided to get back into the addiction and play some CoD4 and we are currently representing r!ve. This is something I have been trying to get back into, enjoying gaming, and I think it’s a good place to start.

For infused I will continue to work on the site and hopefully it won’t take too long and you will all like it. Then I can re-evaluate my position, maybe a little less public and with a lot less writing though!

I guess I wrote this as I felt I owed it to a few people within the organisation. With the risk of sounding overly cheesy, I am still infused and always will be, so let’s share a drink at iseries and drink to the future!